Finding strength in the unknown

A couple of days ago I posted on Instagram that I’d be taking a break from social media for a while to enter a surgery/post-OP bubble. Well, sometimes things don’t turn out quite the way you expect.

On Tuesday, less than 24 hours before the surgery was supposed to take place, I got a call from the hospital coordinator who told me she had bad news. The surgery had been cancelled. Something about the doctor being sick. She wasn’t able to give me a new appointment, but said she’d try to find me a new time and let me know when she does.

My heart sank.

So, here I am again. Back with my best friend Uncertainty. Not knowing when I’ll get a new time. If it will be in one week or in three months.

It’s a luxury problem, I know. Because I can still exercise (cycling, swimming, hiking and strength training mainly) and go for occasional slow jogs, 10-20 minutes at a time. And of course I am grateful for that. It could have been way worse. But it doesn’t take away the fact that going back to square one and not knowing, yet again, how long you’ll have to wait is really difficult. I had prepared mentally, physically and practically for this moment - and when it doesn’t turn out as expected, it’s extremely difficult for the mind to shift focus all of a sudden.

But maybe it’s in these moments that I truly grow stronger, even if I am not aware of it until much later?

Right now I am allowing myself to be sad, to feel all the feelings that come up. But I also know that isolating myself at home in my apartment wouldn’t make me feel any better.

So every day life continues. I keep working on tasks and projects. I spend time with loved ones and family. I do my rehab. A little less enthusiastic at the moment perhaps, but I do it nevertheless. And I trust that things will work out soon enough.

Wish you all an amazing weekend!

Love & light,

Jënni ♥️