Thoughts pre- and post-24 hours of running on a 1K loop in Gothenburg, Sweden (March 27th 2021). The event is called Pace on Earth Invitational.
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A couple of years ago I lost my period. It didn’t return until 4 years later, earlier this spring. I didn’t see how serious it was back then. I thought about how nice it was not to have to deal with it — the hormones playing games on me, and having to plan my life around my period. It was convenient.
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After quite a long time of not being particularly motivated to run, often feeling sluggish and tired and asking myself why I’m even doing this — it finally feels like the light switch has suddenly been turned on again. I feel like I could continue running forever, my body feels strong and my mind is calm. That feeling of flow is real. Every run is a celebration of life.
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Going for an adventure, running for hours at a time, or climbing in high altitude — it’s not always a dreamy walk in the park. Actually, a lot of the time it’s really tough. The legs are screaming and the mind is telling you to quit. In the past years I’ve figured out a strategy that works for me, which (almost) always gets me through those moments of struggle.
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July 2018 was the start of one of the worst periods in my life. I was diagnosed with burnout depression and, with that, it felt like my whole world fell apart. Last year, I received the opportunity to tell my story of being an athlete with burnout depression in Swedish national radio. My wounds had not yet fully healed, but I knew that sharing my story would help me with that. And writing turned out to give me a sense of meaning I hadn’t felt for a long time.
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I think I knew already back in March, as I was sitting by the airport gate in Stockholm, that it was somehow the start of a new chapter in my life. I arrived in Germany literally just before all the craziness with corona started. My boyfriend Jost had arrived from Nepal the night before. Perfect timing. I had only planned to stay for one month, but I ended up staying three.
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I kicked off 2020 with a boost of energy and motivation unlike any I have felt in a long time. This was the year I was going to spend endless days in the mountains again, racing and doing my own projects. I was beginning to feel strong and fit again after a 2019 of being injured and limited in terms of what I could do as an athlete. Nothing was going to stop me this time.
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Fall. There’s something magical about this season, the way nature changes its colors into a palette of yellow, orange, brown and red. The temperature drops and at first it’s a little difficult to adjust to the cold.
Read MoreThe year was 2014. It was January and the running conditions couldn’t have been any worse. My sisters had just begun their training for their first 50k, and I decided to tag along for their weekly running sessions.
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